When people find out Addilyn was gone for a awhile and I was down to one kid at home, they always ask how it was. My answer, "Easier." Sure, I missed my girl like crazy and Josiah was sick so he needed lots of extra attention but, it was still easier.
Wouldn't it be great if we realized how easy one baby is when we only have one baby? Especially if that baby is a low-key baby. I remember having a hard time finding time to shower or eat with one baby. Now, I think, 'WHAT?!' I don't even remember being stressed out about Addilyn crying or whining, but if I was scared to ever leave her to shower...I must have been. I remember thinking, 'it'll be easier when she's older.' HA! Now she can get into stuff and wreak havoc on her brother, dog, or the house while I'm showering for 10 minutes. Overall, while Addilyn was a very energetic baby, there were things that were easier that I didn't even realize. I used to think how terrible it was that she had to be rocked to sleep as an infant, and swore I
would not let baby #2 learn to do that. Don't worry, I didn't. He has to be nursed to sleep... I used to think it was so difficult because she took so long to drink a cup of milk, only wanting the bottle. He doesn't even want the bottle. Each kid is there own, all by themselves and there is no way to prepare to make it 'easier'. Either that kid is going to be a laid back, low key kid, or they aren't. I love both of my kids to the ends of the earth and would do anything for them, easy or hard. Oh, and yes. I'm fully expecting all of you with more children to be laughing at me for being in the 'two is hard' phase. I'm sure someday I'll look back to these days and laugh at myself. But, it's where I am now.
I'm also realizing how much working and being a mom was TERRIBLE for me. I missed out on a alot, and was too stressed out to do a good job documenting what I was around for. I know there are lots and lots of people out there that can do a fantastic job working and being a mom. Not me, not me at all. I feel like an awful mom when I look back at the pictures and notes I took of Addilyn. I have plenty of pictures, but not as many notes or blogs. I'm so sorry sweet girl. I was too busy soaking up every moment with you to write it down. And now I'm realizing how quickly we forget things. Thankfully, right now pictures jog a lot of memories for me. My goal before Addilyn is three (in a month) is to get a photo book done for each year of her life. In a few years, even the pictures won't be able to remind me of everything. I hate that I missed so much time for her and I hate that it stressed me out so badly. But, I'm so glad for the experience. I'm so glad I know what it's like to be a working full time (outside of the house) mom. I'm thankful that Derrick and I can appreciate what the other is doing all day and what evenings feel like because we've been there. He knows what it feels like to try to get a few things done all day and not be able to because the baby was fussy. I know what it's like to come home completely exhausted from work, almost too tired to play but determined not to miss anything else. I have so much more to say...but this is getting a little long. And, doesn't even have a picture! It can't be a good blog without a pic..
Oh, and just for the record, easier does not equal better. At all. It's much better when our house has all four of us living and sleeping in it. Even when that includes messes and a volume piercing to my ears. It also includes lots of snuggles, play time, and smiles that warm my heart. And that is better. Always.
