January 2014
We spent time falling in love with pictures we had received of Gideon in December, hopeful we had just spent our last holiday season as a family of four. Both sets of Grandparents and my sister and her family came in town to help us install new flooring and play with our kids at the hotel pool to keep them away from work being done at the house. It was also our last few weeks at the school our church had met in the last few years. I forgot until looking back-but now I remember how scary that felt. To leave all we had gotten used to as a church to merge with another church was intimidating. It was a constant prayer that it would go smoothly and God would be glorified in it.
February 2014
It is hard to even talk about without wanting to tear up and get angry at the same time. I turned 30-which was good and completely separate from all of those emotions. Then, February 11... So many parts that I can't yet talk about but one thing I am forever grateful for not just the real life friends that held us close-but the 'sisterhood of strength' that began February 12. One of my (now) dear friends wrote about it here.
March 2014
Addilyn turned 5 and we had a great time remembering how much she's changed in the last 5 years and how much she fills our days with happiness. Our kids were both old enough to enjoy the warmer weather and explore and we soaked it up. We spent a lot of March praying through Psalms 10 over our adoption. We decided to hire a private investigator to research Gideon's story with the main purpose of Psalm 10:18: You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them. We prayed and prayed that justice would be done and Gideon's family would be found so they could be reunited. If he could be loved in his home country with his birth family - that's what we wanted. It was a confusing time though - even trying just to keep track of where he was or if he had been moved to a different orphanage was truly a full time job that we had no control over. Bitterness over the evil done through our adoption agency attempted to take over my heart. I was so angry that people could be so terrible. That we were tricked. Thankfully, God allowed close friendships who saw that and helped me pray through it and allow change.
April 2014
This month brought a second and in-depth private investigation and once it was completed - a new agency (who is known for amazing ethics!) willing to accept our adoption case and help us complete it because they found with our private investigation last month and theirs this month - Gideon truly needed a family to love and care for him. Looking back - I feel like we lived years of lifetimes February-April. But April brought the ability to start our monthly updates through our new agency and we got to see how much our boy had grown. April brought lots of rain (figuratively and in reality) but we began to learn to dance in the rain a bit. Josiah helped a lot. Addilyn continued to find beauty in everything she saw. We made new close friendships and began consistent date night trade-off's. Josiah loved 'helping'.
May 2014
We finally met our cousin Mathias - home from Ethiopia just days before our agency shut down - a true miracle at home. We were all so excited to meet him and celebrate his first birthday home! We also hadn't been to Texas since Candace and Justin had moved so it was fun seeing their new home and seeing where Judy and KC were moving to. It was a great family time and fun to celebrate time together before we came back to Missouri-far far away from them. Addilyn finished preschool and from her pictures - changed a TON in the last year. Josiah became QUITE the story teller. I ran my first 5k with one of my best friends. Derrick ran it too - it just wasn't his first and he's much faster ;).
June 2014
We saw Gideon's smile for the first time! It was so encouraging to see - even at a time when paperwork wasn't moving and we had no idea when the next step would be done. We had some great dates and had WONDERFUL time with friends. God truly blessed us so very much with new (and old) friends. I can't believe all the good God brought through them and our church at the time.
July 2014
We added another cousin to the mix - and the kids and I got to be there to see her just newly born and play with all the other cousins (and aunts and uncles) at Grannie and Pops before Uncle Daniel, Aunt Katie, and the girls moved. While we're super excited for them - we hated seeing them go so far away. Josiah turned 3!! His birthday party was filled with new friends from the last year - we're amazed of who God brought to be in our lives for this season. He loves everything outside, most things with balls, and nearly all animals. While seeing truly great friends for our kids truly blessed our hearts - God allowing us to be surrounded by wonderful, Godly friends for our kids AND US amazed us. We continued to get monthly updates on Gideon - but were also getting nearly weekly poor health updates. He had something different every week - while we were so glad he was in an orphanage that noticed his illnesses and treated them - it's still hard to get emails of your kid being sick and being unable to do anything to help them.
August 2014
Addilyn and Josiah took a road trip to Grannie and Pops house by themselves! They both did really well (we weren't sure how Josiah would do...)! While they were gone - we learned we were finally ready to submit our PAIR paperwork! We were hopeful this meant Gideon home in 2014. Our family decided to homeschool Addilyn for her kindergarten year. Kindergarten camp over the summer didn't go well and knowing our girl's strengths and weaknesses and ours as parents as well, as a year full of change - we felt like it was just a great year to spend as much time together as possible. The kids and I went to a donut shop to celebrate Gideon's first birthday. When we got in the car after eating donuts and talking about all we'll do when Gideon comes home - I got the email that after just two weeks in the PAIR process - we passed the first phase! Gideon coming home before Thanksgiving just became possible! We were told to prepare for a court date and travel in October when courts re-opened after the rainy season closure.
September 2014
We began a truly crazy busy season. We had activities every night and things every weekend. It was busy (something that is typically not our family's favorite) and completely wonderful. We went camping as a family for the first time with our homeschool co-op and some wonderful friends. Our kids started homeschool co-op classes and Addilyn started Upward Cheerleading. Derrick took time to be with us and making fall memories to the apple orchard with us. We began trying to explain the next steps of our adoption in preparation of court re-opening in October and (hopefully) getting a quick court date.
October 2014
The busy season continued. Cheerleading, homeschooling, homeschool co-op (those days were completely exhausting...), trips to Grannie and Pops and to Pops' Pumpkin Patch, Grandma and Papa's first visit since moving to Texas and a date day for us! We continued to wait once court re-opened - with no explanation why. We were still told to prepare to be ready to go to Ethiopia quickly.
November 2014
New pictures of Gideon came in - with a ball! A volleyball! They were truly encouraging. We had a family trip to the zoo - where the kids checked the map next to every animal to see where the animals were originally from and how close that was to Gideon. We found out that the Ethiopian government requested some updated paperwork to process our case - so we went to the secretary of state's office twice to get our notary certified before having our paperwork mailed to Washington DC for more steps and eventually translated. We celebrated Thanksgiving with Derrick's family in KS. It was probably my hardest waiting adoptive momma day. It was super emotional and even Josiah got upset at one point saying "this is NOT a family adventure. We are not a family yet. Gideon isn't here." The ache to have him home and realization with the new paperwork requests that our son wouldn't be home in 2014 ... it was heartbreaking.
December 2014
The kids were old enough to play in snow BY THEMSELVES while I stayed in and watched them with coffee in hand. It was glorious. And, quite necessary, as Derrick had just gotten home from having hernia surgery and couldn't move, Josiah was sick with upper respiratory stuff the week before and now hyped up on steroids, and then we all came down with the stomach flu at the same time. Whew. It was rough. Everyone was sick. No one was sleeping. And Daddy was out of commission. We made it though and then celebrated a Christmas together. During that time (just weeks ago...) it felt like I had completely failed. Even advent stuff didn't get done daily. There was piles of laundry on the couch every single day (still is actually). Someone cried everyday. We struggled to feel excitement over celebrating Christ's birth because of the adoption still in the exact same place since July ... everyone being sick and cranky... But, I think it truly helped us understand advent. It helped us grasp what true waiting on Christ is. The week before Christmas our church had a family prayer night set-up with a live nativity theme. I loved it. The kids understood it. They wanted to talk about all the characters and understanding the story more. At Awanas, they had a Christmas store to use the Awana-bucks (the reward for memorizing verses, etc) at to buy Christmas presents for their family members. Both kids were beaming and so very excited that they were able to get gifts for people they loved. They couldn't wait to pass out their gifts and show people they loved them. So, while I felt like I messed up Christmas being a terrible mom without follow through on traditions or with traditions being 'ruined' by cranky children crying and whining through them...They got it. We had a great Christmas because they knew Whose day it was.
