So I don't really know how to start this blog because I don't know where it's going really but I've got a lot swirling around in my head lately and my introverted self hasn't had much quiet time to herself lately to think through it-until now with sick with a stupid summer cold boy is asleep and Daddy and Big Sis are at Youth Group back to school party tonight. We'll see what comes out as I type...and we'll see if I publish it. :)
Back to School...This year it affects us. Every year I've noticed it-the teacher in me really does love the supplies the energy of back to school and the structured season starting after a lack of scheduled summer. But, every year since I've stayed home with Addilyn (and now Josiah), it's been more of a rejoicing thank the Lord we get the calm parks back and thank you that I am home with my babies and not aching that I'm away from them again. This year...Addilyn goes to school and speech. She has a schedule-her schedule basically determines ours. It's just preschool, I know. And she did speech last year, but only the last quarter or two so this back to school time didn't really affect us. I see many blogs and articles about homeschooling and I see so much beauty and great things happening that I honestly long for that for my kids. But, I don't know that I'd do a great job at it at this point (with Josiah and two extras to take care of) and I don't know what God is bringing us to join our family so to preschool it is and chances are- kindergarten next year. Addilyn is already nervous (most schools around us start this week, but her preschool starts two weeks later so she's got some time). She hates the idea of being away from Josiah, Brynn, and Aubrey (the two girls I babysit) and when I tell people that the response I usually get is, "It'll be so good for her then!" and I know it will. But, I feel like that's also saying it's bad she loves home and that is definitely not how I feel. I LOVE that she loves home, that she loves family, and that she wants to be here. I know that may not always be the case but truly desire our home and family to be a safe haven for her (and all our kids), a place she will be loved, supported, and always listened to. She's a little nervous of change-she likes things to stay the same and be predictable, which she will LOVE about school, I know I know. But it might not be smooth sailing at first. And, as much as I know it'd be much better for her to get used to school and being away from us now, when it's only three half days a week, than in K or higher when it's all day everyday, I hate that it might be hard for her (us). I love her and love learning more about her and the way her mind works each and everyday. I love the challenge of finding how to teach her and help her understand concepts in just the way she learns. I will really truly completely miss her when she's gone. But I know that hearing about her day, what she learned about, the friends she played with, and seeing all she learns away from me will be wonderful and amazing too. Just different. And Sis might be a little like her Mommy-prefering the same, family, and togetherness who still hates to leave the home she grew up in.
Babysitting...To be real honest, sometimes I get frustrated that my stay at home mom schedule and way of life that I dreamed of when we decided I'd stay home with Addilyn (and future kids) is interrupted by babysitting. I miss the we can just go see grandparents because we want to schedule, or the easily go to the zoo or wherever just because we want to-not necessarily planned it days. But, I really really love the girls I watch (and the extras I have sometimes!). I feel blessed to get to be around two other kids-15m and 18m (ish) and amazingly enough-really do love this age and having two almost two year olds and one two year old in my house. While the fits and stealing toys isn't the best part of my day...and I'm dreading the days of working on potty training them...I love seeing all the new things they can do, hear the new longer phrases and sentences they say, and enjoy seeing them discover something new. I really really do. And, I am amazingly, wonderfully blessed with the families I'm working with. They adore their kids and make it fun for me to get to enjoy them during the day. They trust me with day trips and are wonderful towards my family as well. It couldn't be a better situation and I already get sad thinking that someday 'my girls' will be in preschool or school and I won't see them anymore. Even when we were gone to my parents last week- as soon as we were on our way home, both Addilyn and Josiah asked if they got to see Brynn or Aubrey soon. I love that.
Adoption....I've gotten quite a few people asking lately "how's the adoption going?" And well, it's going. We're somewhere on someone's wait list of people ready to bring a new family member home. The hand in hand grant went AMAZINGLY and we are still processing just how wonderfully blessed we are. We still have fundraising and planning left to do-T-shirts and a few new fundraisers coming up! But, mostly, just waiting. And mostly, pretty ok with that. Our hearts and minds are beginning to get wrapped around the idea that we will bring another child(ren) into our home and as we consider our kids getting bigger with schooling and rearranging the house some- we are considering it with the possibility of extras here. We are trying to save vacation days. And some days, I spend all of nap time reading blogs and articles about adoption. The difficulty and beauty of it-to get as prepared as possible and to feel connected to a community I'll someday be a part of. Waiting is just waiting at this point-no waiting with a name or a picture so not really totally connected or a part of much-just hoping to be someday. And God is blessing that. I am learning more and more about who He made me to be, how He wrote our story, and how to take joy in all of that.
They HAD to match one day last week-So I HAD to take pictures. :) And...it looks like we'll be needing to order a size up for both of them our next order with those belly buttons hanging out!
